In one of Amy Tan's book (I just can't remember which one it is) one of her famous Chinese immigrant mother characters reflects on the perception her daughter has of her due to the level of English she is able to speak. Paraphrasing it goes something like this:
"She thinks because I speak this way that I think this way."
The idea is that when someone expresses themselves in a broken fashion, those listening perceive their thought as broken as well.
The quote moved me because of my interest in language, and because I live, as well, speaking a language that is not my own. Tan is, after all, a linguist and a daughter raised listening to English spoken as a second-language.
I worry about the way my daughter will think of me. For this I force myself to be as native in English as I can.
I worry how my in-laws will see me as well.
My daughter is being raised bilingually and I worry that she'll never be seen as one thing or the other.
This week Salma Hayek was on Letterman talking about eating escamoles and worms in Mexico, and the adjectives used to describe her in the news are "kooky and curious" and they criticize how all these years since she's been in Hollywood her English is still "funny". No thought goes into thinking that this woman speaks at least three languages.
But far beyond, I think about the perception we have of thought. That thinking cannot be separated from language. And so, the perception we have of other people's thoughts is based on their spoken word.
I also believe that being a second language speaker gives you a freedom and creativity that native speakers lack. Think about lyricists like Björk. The foreign language acquires a plasticity that native speakers cannot grasp.
I write in English in my own attempt to show my thought can be complex.
That I am more than my use of false cognates or my syntactic mistakes.
And I write, without knowing if anyone is reading.
I think your English is wonderful and I applaud you writing a blog in it when it is your second language. I only have one language - English and I wish I could say I spoke other languages. You should be proud of being bilingual and I think it is wonderful for your daughter to be able to grow up in a bilingual household with a biracial marriage. It will teach her so many things - not to view the world so narrowly, but as a broad, culturally melting pot, where languages and people mix together. And yes people are reading your blog. Best of luck and I will continue to read it and follow along.
ReplyDeleteI think you are more than fluent in English. Certainly, you never have to be ashamed of the manner in which you speak it. And, there are not many English speakers that are in a position to judge. I have told many members of my husband's family not to worry about how they speak English, as I can assure them they are better in my language than I am in their language.
ReplyDeleteThe one line of your blog that spoke to me was the part about worrying that your daughter will never be seen as one thing or the other. I have the same worry about my kids. I suppose we have to take comfort in the belief that they will be better because they are a little of both.
Well I feel embarrassed.
ReplyDeleteI didn't realized I hadn't set up the e-mail notification. I thought no one commented here and basically that no one was reading.
I'm so grateful and humbled.
Thank you both for taking the time to read me. It means a lot.
And Denise, I know about that fear for our bilingual/bicultural children. But we have to focus on the wonderful opportunity of having a dual perspective of the world.
It sounds pretty cool when you think about it, doesn't it?